Looking back I see I wasn't sh*t
And I can't look in your face everyday and be reminded of it...
I'd rather you move on so my heart could be blinded of it,
And I can go on passing my "love" on to the next pretending to be legit.
Because I can't go on hurting you til the last tid bit,
You used to tickle me pink,
Made me write til there was no ink,
But you,
You need a woman who can say she loves you without having to think
And you,
You need a woman who can be affectionate without having to drink
And you,
You need a woman who will ride out without a second blink,
You really need a woman who knows how to wink,
See all I'm good for is having a little kink,
Some midday loving on the kitchen sink.
You need one who makes hot cocoa and takes you to the roller rink
Not one who get mad and argue wanna push you to the brink
Of war
You need more
Than a poet who pretends to be above par
Just to hide her sub flaw
Thoughts of when daddy walked out the door
And until high school she ain't see em' no more
You don't have baggage claim n your name
This ain't grade school
That ain't your aim
This ain't obedience school
Wild hearts can't be tamed
This woman is not an animal she can't be trained
This love is false
Emotions will be strained
She is a duty
Your energy will be strained
So let's rewind
Back to that day in April
When it hardly ever rained
And you wore that smile
And an intellectual brain
But do me one small favor
Don't ask me my name...
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Friday, June 25, 2010
No Answers
Sometimes I wonder why
Love is pain and
Ignorance is bliss
but I never remember mommy saying there'd be days like this
When I dont kno whether to cry or to kiss
Whether to want loneliness or have you to miss
I often wonder why my dreams are more like nightmares with you
and how my sweet talk is more like shouting and rage with you
I went out of my element to be on the same page as you
They say pain is pleasure
but what happened to the days when were like my hidden treasure
With you I wouldn't hold back I'd say whatever
but now you hold me like never
And I don't even wake up wishing you were near me
So distant, seems like you fear me
I used to love you like Geneva's sweet potatoe pie
And Teresa's macaroni
but our together days are filled with something so lonely
I loved you like friction in my bed
The curls in my head
Warmth in my sheets
but your transforming like hail into sleet
Hot and cold
This humble man has gotten so bold
Heart has gone cold
And I was once the remedy
but your love doesn't remember me
I wonder why love doesn't love me anymore
Why love seldomly adorns my door
but still I have the hunger for more
All smiles on the exterior
Broken and fragmented under the sub layers
By men who swear they are players
I wonder why love makes them so resistant
And as women we are taught to be persistent
but I loved you like a caramel frappacino
I loved you like a gambler frequents the casino
I loved you like a lemon grass bath on a sunday
I loved you like the first flower in the month of may
but thats the past
All things dont last
Sometimes two good things dont agree
and they collide and explode like kinetic energy
Now every new guy has to deal with the aftermath of the f*cked up sh*t you've done to me...
Love is pain and
Ignorance is bliss
but I never remember mommy saying there'd be days like this
When I dont kno whether to cry or to kiss
Whether to want loneliness or have you to miss
I often wonder why my dreams are more like nightmares with you
and how my sweet talk is more like shouting and rage with you
I went out of my element to be on the same page as you
They say pain is pleasure
but what happened to the days when were like my hidden treasure
With you I wouldn't hold back I'd say whatever
but now you hold me like never
And I don't even wake up wishing you were near me
So distant, seems like you fear me
I used to love you like Geneva's sweet potatoe pie
And Teresa's macaroni
but our together days are filled with something so lonely
I loved you like friction in my bed
The curls in my head
Warmth in my sheets
but your transforming like hail into sleet
Hot and cold
This humble man has gotten so bold
Heart has gone cold
And I was once the remedy
but your love doesn't remember me
I wonder why love doesn't love me anymore
Why love seldomly adorns my door
but still I have the hunger for more
All smiles on the exterior
Broken and fragmented under the sub layers
By men who swear they are players
I wonder why love makes them so resistant
And as women we are taught to be persistent
but I loved you like a caramel frappacino
I loved you like a gambler frequents the casino
I loved you like a lemon grass bath on a sunday
I loved you like the first flower in the month of may
but thats the past
All things dont last
Sometimes two good things dont agree
and they collide and explode like kinetic energy
Now every new guy has to deal with the aftermath of the f*cked up sh*t you've done to me...
Check Mate(s)
I called your bluff
Took a pull and one big puff
Because out of lack of words we were just cool n’ stuff
But for a popular guy it’s safer to play tough
Like my gentle touch and love wasn’t enough
Our life was like a chess board, white and black
Hot and cold spaces and lines that neither of us could cross
Words and promises that were lost
One big coin toss
And I was just
Lost
Because all I’ve ever hoped for was heads, and you...
I guess I’d have to say some tail
While we chat about unimportant details and send semi-casual emails
Until our boats drifted and set sails to opposite destinations
My heart longing for your reciprocation
Only to be greeted by coldness and constant defecation
My love was on probation for a crime I didn’t commit
Or one I’d like to forget
For a dude who was legit,well...
Maybe
May he
Love me despite my flaws
I’ve waited at closed doors, in the cold with no answer
But he was home
Struggling and surviving on past years and old dates
When you dish dirt its hard to stomach your own plate
But don’t deal facades you can’t live with
So when you’re ready to conform
I’ll be ready and waiting with two words
Check
And
Mate
Took a pull and one big puff
Because out of lack of words we were just cool n’ stuff
But for a popular guy it’s safer to play tough
Like my gentle touch and love wasn’t enough
Our life was like a chess board, white and black
Hot and cold spaces and lines that neither of us could cross
Words and promises that were lost
One big coin toss
And I was just
Lost
Because all I’ve ever hoped for was heads, and you...
I guess I’d have to say some tail
While we chat about unimportant details and send semi-casual emails
Until our boats drifted and set sails to opposite destinations
My heart longing for your reciprocation
Only to be greeted by coldness and constant defecation
My love was on probation for a crime I didn’t commit
Or one I’d like to forget
For a dude who was legit,well...
Maybe
May he
Love me despite my flaws
I’ve waited at closed doors, in the cold with no answer
But he was home
Struggling and surviving on past years and old dates
When you dish dirt its hard to stomach your own plate
But don’t deal facades you can’t live with
So when you’re ready to conform
I’ll be ready and waiting with two words
Check
And
Mate
Dormant
You lie there in all of your glory and splendor
Huge build
Overbearing and most likely tender
A magnificent story
Covered in soot and eruptions from previous loves and combustions
Lips still wet from heated discussions
But I’ve seen you before
You were quiet
Not loud and boisterous but still full of orange deadly liquid
That a park slope girl like me could never really mix with
I could feel your loveless aura
Penetrate through your hard exterior
Traces of lies, deception and all things inferior
One long glance at you and I realized maybe he was worth a try
A charming inquisitive yet sensitive guy
Contagious laugh and yet still shy
A little less intimidating
Maybe he wont make me cry
And maybe with him I wont have to lie
Unless its in his arms
He lie dormant
Right under my nose
Noticed this unbudded rose
Knocked me right off my toes
With ring pops and unspoken bonds to propose
To never let me go
To hold pinkies
And re-live our childhood’s
Like water guns and slinkies
Sweet like cotton candy and twinkies
He lie dormant
Thoughts of him all day caused my mind torment
Easy transition from “hi friend”
To “Hey you”
And if we got fancy
I’d say hey “beau”
More my speed
More like my personal international menu
More like an all-in one venue
When that one number can be dialed for all purposes
Scratch all surfaces
Kisses for the superfluous
If I could create a word I’d say being dormant made you
The Perfect-est
For me..
Huge build
Overbearing and most likely tender
A magnificent story
Covered in soot and eruptions from previous loves and combustions
Lips still wet from heated discussions
But I’ve seen you before
You were quiet
Not loud and boisterous but still full of orange deadly liquid
That a park slope girl like me could never really mix with
I could feel your loveless aura
Penetrate through your hard exterior
Traces of lies, deception and all things inferior
One long glance at you and I realized maybe he was worth a try
A charming inquisitive yet sensitive guy
Contagious laugh and yet still shy
A little less intimidating
Maybe he wont make me cry
And maybe with him I wont have to lie
Unless its in his arms
He lie dormant
Right under my nose
Noticed this unbudded rose
Knocked me right off my toes
With ring pops and unspoken bonds to propose
To never let me go
To hold pinkies
And re-live our childhood’s
Like water guns and slinkies
Sweet like cotton candy and twinkies
He lie dormant
Thoughts of him all day caused my mind torment
Easy transition from “hi friend”
To “Hey you”
And if we got fancy
I’d say hey “beau”
More my speed
More like my personal international menu
More like an all-in one venue
When that one number can be dialed for all purposes
Scratch all surfaces
Kisses for the superfluous
If I could create a word I’d say being dormant made you
The Perfect-est
For me..
Time Killer
We will not call you procrastinator
Stagnant, or inactive
I won't say you waste valuable moments that could have been potential memories
Or dollars possibly spilling down the drain of life
I won't say you're jaded or unmotivated
Or that you take this calendar for granted
Cus I urged you to make haste
But you retained your pace
And you sat and stared at the clock's face
And fraternized with peers, with grace
I will not say that you stagger
And delay the time allotted for your potential dynasty to race
I'll just say that you've lost your way
And you need to pave your own
Place
Too late to dine
So make your own plate
Too many names and no room for yours
Erase to design a clean slate
I won't say that the minute or the hour hand has conquered you
I'll say that you ironically needed time
To seek the best part
Of the inner you...
Stagnant, or inactive
I won't say you waste valuable moments that could have been potential memories
Or dollars possibly spilling down the drain of life
I won't say you're jaded or unmotivated
Or that you take this calendar for granted
Cus I urged you to make haste
But you retained your pace
And you sat and stared at the clock's face
And fraternized with peers, with grace
I will not say that you stagger
And delay the time allotted for your potential dynasty to race
I'll just say that you've lost your way
And you need to pave your own
Place
Too late to dine
So make your own plate
Too many names and no room for yours
Erase to design a clean slate
I won't say that the minute or the hour hand has conquered you
I'll say that you ironically needed time
To seek the best part
Of the inner you...
White Flags
It pained me to see that he couldn't wrap his mind around our happiness
He was most comfortable confused, chaotic and twisted.
Like a head of hair full of nappiness
Life’s downward or upward spirals were are all mere passengers
He'd rather talk about the things I can't tell him or the dreams I can't sell him
Go out on a whim
I'm the type to fall off a ledge whether or not I can or cannot swim
He would fall off and cling frantically to the brim
Let go
Its more down there
He's more concerned about whether or not his friends will be there
Like a student without pen or paper, I came unprepared
I never factored in the time we shared
Because it was just me and him
But his mind was never there
Absent
Wish I had a compass so I could map it
We were
Lost
Hoping to never find and confront the real shit that was on our minds
We hoped that in the past we had left behind
The drama
The karma
But it was evident when his attitude was somber
That he was remembering
My vulnerability
My mistake
But I loved him extensively
Even though he had the propensity
To love me then leave me, to those hot and cold extremities
Still I felt his shoulder was meant for me
Like that spot where his neck meets his shoulder was made especially for my chin
To lay
To honor and obey
But his fears weren't at bay
I was sailing my boat
But he let down his anchor
Stifled
I wish I could murder his reservations with a rifle
Put those ills to rest like Nyquil
My team mate
And I was standing there waiting for him to come around with the baton
But that day never came
And all I could think about was
"If it weren't for what's his name"
But that was my fault
A pill I can't swallow
My heart I cannot hollow
My own act I can't follow
My destiny
Is to travel on a parallel path with my beloved
To never meet
A heat I could never seek
And thoughts I could never speak
Because Webster couldn't manufacture words
That will ease your mind
And make you mine....
So I suppose this is a battle that I will leave in the hands of father time....
He was most comfortable confused, chaotic and twisted.
Like a head of hair full of nappiness
Life’s downward or upward spirals were are all mere passengers
He'd rather talk about the things I can't tell him or the dreams I can't sell him
Go out on a whim
I'm the type to fall off a ledge whether or not I can or cannot swim
He would fall off and cling frantically to the brim
Let go
Its more down there
He's more concerned about whether or not his friends will be there
Like a student without pen or paper, I came unprepared
I never factored in the time we shared
Because it was just me and him
But his mind was never there
Absent
Wish I had a compass so I could map it
We were
Lost
Hoping to never find and confront the real shit that was on our minds
We hoped that in the past we had left behind
The drama
The karma
But it was evident when his attitude was somber
That he was remembering
My vulnerability
My mistake
But I loved him extensively
Even though he had the propensity
To love me then leave me, to those hot and cold extremities
Still I felt his shoulder was meant for me
Like that spot where his neck meets his shoulder was made especially for my chin
To lay
To honor and obey
But his fears weren't at bay
I was sailing my boat
But he let down his anchor
Stifled
I wish I could murder his reservations with a rifle
Put those ills to rest like Nyquil
My team mate
And I was standing there waiting for him to come around with the baton
But that day never came
And all I could think about was
"If it weren't for what's his name"
But that was my fault
A pill I can't swallow
My heart I cannot hollow
My own act I can't follow
My destiny
Is to travel on a parallel path with my beloved
To never meet
A heat I could never seek
And thoughts I could never speak
Because Webster couldn't manufacture words
That will ease your mind
And make you mine....
So I suppose this is a battle that I will leave in the hands of father time....
Tomorrow Today
Somewhere between living and dreaming maybe even believing
I see her and then I see a man with a familiar face and I often wonder what occupies his empty spaces,
What voids could I fill, if I could be an asset, and my mind works so annoyingly fast that I cant push thoughts away or look past it..
I look at her, the pretty brown woman he sports by his side
I feel so insignificant I wish I could hide
My mind gets the best of me
And drifts off from the rest of me
As I wonder how many other souls has he collided with before hers
I believe when being in love or being in the act of “love”
We often sacrifice a piece of ourselves
Interchanges between souls
Although no two people are oddly alike or similarly dissimilar
We have to alter or bend a piece of ourselves to make the other happy
Strangely enough I look at him and think, “what if?”
What if we met before my brain began to tick
What if we met some where in the middle before my first love and my last
But would I have been the same woman he once pined for, and would he have been the sensitive man behind those wooden doors of the beautifully sculpted brownstone?
Who could ever know?
Sometimes I look at the statue of the “thinker”
He looks so intent on whatever it is
But yet he’s stagnant, stone, and stuck there to interminably ponder his thoughts
My mind contains so much baggage
But from the outside I seem average
Inside I’m an analytical being who refutes marriage
I wish I could unload all these woes into a carriage
Cart them away
But I looked at him and wondered where he had been
Not how he was
But what was his history
He carried artifacts that seemed to be a mystery
The shiny pinky ring glistened I wondered if it was from a past love who gave it to him as a promise of their love.
Was he always as affectionate with others as he was with her? Or was she simply the kind of woman whose aura screamed out “be soft and love me!”
I’m not an easy woman to love
My heart is guarded by watch dogs
With a fence, in a box with chains
Surrounded by a mote, I refuse to lend any of my time or devote
In love I will never drown.
I float
I was envious of her
Green because their love seemed so enticing
I kicked myself in dismay that I might have missed a chance for the right thing
He was.
Or maybe, I’m not sure.
I pulled back when he yearned for more
But I felt my heart descend when he and her walked through the door
I’m too unsure
A woman made alone
Like purchasing a single shoe
No pair
I’m unaware
Of what hazards have put my heart in such a state of un-repair
At that moment I wish that I knew what tomorrow held today
Not being psychic but a little more intuitive
I would have held him, kissed him and I would have known
Yes I will be yours and share a piece of me with you
But I played it safe
And opted out, with gloomy thoughts and shadows of a doubt.
I cast him away, pushed him out
Until this day
And he stands there with her
With his clean goatee
He smiles a wide smile with no traces of me
Reverse the calendars go back to that day
When I said I was confused and didn’t want you to stay
Take back the curse words and empty threats
Just erase them all I hope you forget
Subtract her and start a new
And this time I will be there for you
If only I knew tomorrow today
You’d be holding my hand in that same loving way
Reverse the future and bring back the past
Before her
Before me
Before you
Become we, erase this intense jealousy
If only I could see tomorrow today
You could have been in my arms and here on this day
And maybe some poor girl who caused you dismay
Would take my place and sit here and ponder in this same disarray
If I could take it all away
Damn, if only I could have saw tomorrow today
I see her and then I see a man with a familiar face and I often wonder what occupies his empty spaces,
What voids could I fill, if I could be an asset, and my mind works so annoyingly fast that I cant push thoughts away or look past it..
I look at her, the pretty brown woman he sports by his side
I feel so insignificant I wish I could hide
My mind gets the best of me
And drifts off from the rest of me
As I wonder how many other souls has he collided with before hers
I believe when being in love or being in the act of “love”
We often sacrifice a piece of ourselves
Interchanges between souls
Although no two people are oddly alike or similarly dissimilar
We have to alter or bend a piece of ourselves to make the other happy
Strangely enough I look at him and think, “what if?”
What if we met before my brain began to tick
What if we met some where in the middle before my first love and my last
But would I have been the same woman he once pined for, and would he have been the sensitive man behind those wooden doors of the beautifully sculpted brownstone?
Who could ever know?
Sometimes I look at the statue of the “thinker”
He looks so intent on whatever it is
But yet he’s stagnant, stone, and stuck there to interminably ponder his thoughts
My mind contains so much baggage
But from the outside I seem average
Inside I’m an analytical being who refutes marriage
I wish I could unload all these woes into a carriage
Cart them away
But I looked at him and wondered where he had been
Not how he was
But what was his history
He carried artifacts that seemed to be a mystery
The shiny pinky ring glistened I wondered if it was from a past love who gave it to him as a promise of their love.
Was he always as affectionate with others as he was with her? Or was she simply the kind of woman whose aura screamed out “be soft and love me!”
I’m not an easy woman to love
My heart is guarded by watch dogs
With a fence, in a box with chains
Surrounded by a mote, I refuse to lend any of my time or devote
In love I will never drown.
I float
I was envious of her
Green because their love seemed so enticing
I kicked myself in dismay that I might have missed a chance for the right thing
He was.
Or maybe, I’m not sure.
I pulled back when he yearned for more
But I felt my heart descend when he and her walked through the door
I’m too unsure
A woman made alone
Like purchasing a single shoe
No pair
I’m unaware
Of what hazards have put my heart in such a state of un-repair
At that moment I wish that I knew what tomorrow held today
Not being psychic but a little more intuitive
I would have held him, kissed him and I would have known
Yes I will be yours and share a piece of me with you
But I played it safe
And opted out, with gloomy thoughts and shadows of a doubt.
I cast him away, pushed him out
Until this day
And he stands there with her
With his clean goatee
He smiles a wide smile with no traces of me
Reverse the calendars go back to that day
When I said I was confused and didn’t want you to stay
Take back the curse words and empty threats
Just erase them all I hope you forget
Subtract her and start a new
And this time I will be there for you
If only I knew tomorrow today
You’d be holding my hand in that same loving way
Reverse the future and bring back the past
Before her
Before me
Before you
Become we, erase this intense jealousy
If only I could see tomorrow today
You could have been in my arms and here on this day
And maybe some poor girl who caused you dismay
Would take my place and sit here and ponder in this same disarray
If I could take it all away
Damn, if only I could have saw tomorrow today
Cloudy Day?
How can you tell the sun not to shine?
Put a blanket over it and down play its brightness
It’s bold and strong but you play on its politeness
Blisters I’ve encountered from hugging him too long
It’s great for me
But why does it inflict wounds that may become scars?
It’s all in my mind
I’ve been loving him like the fourteenth of February
I’ve been reading him like my personal library
But I urge him not to love me
I feel I’m incapable; damaged goods
Irregular
But he kisses my flaws
Hugs my wars
And misses the fact that I am a chore
I tell him to turn off his love light
Like a broken lightening bug
I don’t want him to glow
I don’t want this feeling to flow
I don’t want him to know
I don’t want him to show,
Me the things that I’ve been missing
Reminiscing
From Math 101
And orientation
Who knew we’d blossom into this magnificent presentation
Of both rushing and being patient
If I were a teacher he’d stay after school
So smart, but I’d be his fool
So hot but for him I’d be cool
He uses his mind as some kind of tool
A secret weapon
But I don’t want to spoil the mystery
Some much pain
And he can free me from misery
But I often tell the sun not to shine
Keep my universe dim
Keep the chances slim
And I go for months living without him
Until chances of survival become slim
I travel to find him
Whisper
Trace the outline of his lips
I need this source
The light
For my life
To make me smile
I need the sun to shine
To erase all shadows of my doubt
To show me I cannot do without
To hug me when I’m sad and I pout
To calm me when I scream and shout
To thaw my coldness
To make sense of my confusion and turmoil
To be in sync like Popeye and Olive Oil
Today I woke up and I opened my curtains to let him in
A special lover and a closer friend
And here’s one instance where I don’t want the fairy tale to end
Just wake up every morning and re-begin.
My sunshine, my lover, my really great friend.
Put a blanket over it and down play its brightness
It’s bold and strong but you play on its politeness
Blisters I’ve encountered from hugging him too long
It’s great for me
But why does it inflict wounds that may become scars?
It’s all in my mind
I’ve been loving him like the fourteenth of February
I’ve been reading him like my personal library
But I urge him not to love me
I feel I’m incapable; damaged goods
Irregular
But he kisses my flaws
Hugs my wars
And misses the fact that I am a chore
I tell him to turn off his love light
Like a broken lightening bug
I don’t want him to glow
I don’t want this feeling to flow
I don’t want him to know
I don’t want him to show,
Me the things that I’ve been missing
Reminiscing
From Math 101
And orientation
Who knew we’d blossom into this magnificent presentation
Of both rushing and being patient
If I were a teacher he’d stay after school
So smart, but I’d be his fool
So hot but for him I’d be cool
He uses his mind as some kind of tool
A secret weapon
But I don’t want to spoil the mystery
Some much pain
And he can free me from misery
But I often tell the sun not to shine
Keep my universe dim
Keep the chances slim
And I go for months living without him
Until chances of survival become slim
I travel to find him
Whisper
Trace the outline of his lips
I need this source
The light
For my life
To make me smile
I need the sun to shine
To erase all shadows of my doubt
To show me I cannot do without
To hug me when I’m sad and I pout
To calm me when I scream and shout
To thaw my coldness
To make sense of my confusion and turmoil
To be in sync like Popeye and Olive Oil
Today I woke up and I opened my curtains to let him in
A special lover and a closer friend
And here’s one instance where I don’t want the fairy tale to end
Just wake up every morning and re-begin.
My sunshine, my lover, my really great friend.
In Love with the Inverse of Positive
Close your eyes to prevent it from seeping in
So pretty but
Deadly upon impact
Shattered glass
Was the aftermath of our bad math
It could been the best we never had
I wanted to ace the test we never had
Never to think your heart's guardian would hurt you so bad
Confusion and endless bliss
But I'd rather feel this than nothing at all
I'd rather feel big sometimes than to always feel small
I'd rather fall hard once than to never had at all
Because its beautiful when he's in my sight
Like utopia, o’ so right
And too much love overflows into a fight
But kisses were made to be used when words become superfluous
So we tongue wrestle until we forget that in this situation we chose to settle
Indian giver, I want to take back my heart
But my emotions don’t know where to start at
He has the most beautiful broken promises
And immaculate neglect
But his actions my mind won't reject
I just continue and hope our love will some day resurrect,
I have a hypothesis like a school science project
Two perfect specimens in the right place wrong time
But my senses loved him long time
Hard to separate the aspect
Because friendship, we have long surpassed it
In love with my friend and I desire more with my lover
Extremely hard thing to attempt to recover
Because I forget it all under the comforts of his covers....
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